Week 2 day 3 second time around.

 I started out blogging about this a lot and I have not added for a while, but today I feel like putting it into words again.

As soon as I start to write I admit I get a little teary eyed, but that is honestly because I can not believe that I am still working at this, it is not easy to get out of the house and run at all for me, but I did it again today.

So today was my 9th run, I decided last week that I needed to repeat my 2nd week and that I was just not ready for the third week and now week 2 try 2 is done and I have to overcome the fear and get my butt outside this Saturday and start week 3.

I have had some trouble during cycle one each time this week with my knee so I started on our stationary bike in the hope that will help my knee and build my fitness a little faster.

I finished today in tears again, but they are happy tears, I do have the most trouble when I run alone without David, but I have now gotten my music moved onto my I-Touch and found my headphones that do not fall out of my ears and I hear David helping  me along during my runs alone which helps me more than anything, every time I feel my feet start to drag I hear David saying "you got this", and I can carry on. Once  again finished cycle 1 at the top of a the first hill, which to most runners would be a small mound but not to me and finished the second after the second hill,  I wore the gloves today, smart idea  of David's since it does make getting the water bottles out much easier than it was with cold hands but I dropped a bottle between 2nd and  3rd cycle and had to go back to pick it up,  the rest is actually a bit of a blur right now I just know that I finished cycle 6 at the top of the first "hill" again on my third trip around, and that is when the tears slowly came out and I dropped another water bottle. So I guess I  need a lesson in putting them back in correctly.

This is a great program and I have such internal guilt that I make myself finish because I do not want to lie to myself and feel awful for the rest of the day, also I do not want to lie to people I care about so I just keep on going.

Another thing that really makes me carry on is the feeling of amazement I have with myself each time I finish, I may look silly out there running but you know what I am doing it, I am the one who gets the feelings of elation every time I finish.

Week 2 #1

So yup I did not post on week 1 run 3, I was very down on myself due to my distance, it was my first time that I have run alone, I needed to do it during the day due to the crazy schedule of all of the kids events. Good thing was that looking back now I did it. I actually managed to get the run done by myself, yes the distance was disappointing, the I-Touch was a pain in the butt, jumping all over the place, it was just a horrid feeling once I saw the distance on my GPS.  Moving on...

Week 2 run number one, now after the run by myself on Wednesday I really thought that I was not up for running again, David and I watched rugby Scotland vs South Africa, I sat still for the first half but during the second half I left for a couple of minutes and sat on our bed thinking "I am going to tell David we will do this tomorrow". Once again thankfully I did not voice this thought, I walked into the living room where he was watching rugby and put on a pair of running socks, which for me meant that I was going to do the run.

On the 1 minute drive to the park I sat in the car taking deep breaths, building up my courage and thinking that after the last run this was going to be hard not to mention that today I had to go from a minute of running to a minute and a half of running.

We got started, I just wanted to get the the path where we run before the 5 minute warm up walk was done and we did manage this but not a second to spare. Off we went on the first cycle and I was disappointed with my first run/jog because I felt that I should of gotten farther but we carried on and by cycle 3 of the program I was elated! I could feel the massive smile growing on my face, I could do this I could actually manage to get this run done, I can not explain how much I take from doing this with David, during the last 15 seconds of each cycle he really is my rock, telling me that I can do it, to keep going is what really gets me through it all. For the first time during a run I had intense pain in my left lower leg, but at least it was the final cycle when this happened, I gritted my teeth and carried on with the support of David working as my booster and we got it  done, the feeling of achievement has no words.

Doing this program really has changed me, it has given me a focus, but most of all it makes me feel good about myself, the kind of good where I want to do silly things like wear jewelry and makeup and just smile at the small things that I have around me everyday. It is so amazing how many of my friends are supporting me with comments and "like"s on facebook, they have no idea how much this means to me, how elated it makes me to see those comments. Mostly for me I love to talk to David about this and see how much it is actually effecting the two of us, this has become  something that I feel that as a couple we are working toward, having him be proud of me for doing this feels wonderful. I know that I need to do this for myself and enjoy how amazing it makes me feel and I really am, but the bonus is it also has a affect on my marriage which has been the biggest added bonus I could hope for.

Week 1 Day 2

I felt like I was crazy for thinking that I could do this yesterday afternoon and was really worried about doing the running again for most of the afternoon. It may have been once the kids left for their other parents and I had a chance to stand around and think about doing this and really spent 30 minutes beating myself down, but I still changed into running clothing and worked about getting dinner ready to go for David and I after our run.

David  arrived home from work and quickly set about getting into his running things and we hustled into the car. I sat in the car for the 2 minute drive trying to ready myself to start our workout for today.

We started with our plan which is the 5 minutes of walking, which I spent trying to get into the right mindset before we needed to run. I have not mentioned that it was so cold when we went out last night that it seemed to make it much more difficult.

And then the running started, during the first cycle all I could think of was that my boobs hurt, time for a sports bra I am thinking, breathing is so  hard, the combination of very cold air and smoking is the problem, the breathing problem stays with me for the whole run. Second, third and fourth cycle were tough, and I mean really tough, with  lots of thoughts of I cant do this, I am crazy thinking I can do this, but as always David and his praise make me continue and not say a thing about how I am feeling. After the 4th cycle I manage to gasp out "half way" to which David replied yes and then I knew that I could do this, I could push though the pain and we did it, we finished couch to 5 k day 2, and David let me know that we had managed to do 1.84 miles Awesome!

The high from running came a little later and was caused by the running group that David has signed me up for. The comments of support that David and the running group offered me brought me to tears, it is such a wonderful feeling that people who do not know me understand what I am trying to do and want me to be successful.

I posted myself on facebook and the comments from my sister Lynette started the tears again. It is everyone and the support that they are giving me that is going to carry me through this. It makes me really want to show everyone around that they are not wasting time by supporting me, but more than that I want to achieve my goals, I want to have the chance to experience some more of the feelings that David has been able to get from running.

So thought of the day is one step, one workout at a time, I want to stay strong and complete this program, to be a better me, to enjoy more things each day, to run with my husband, play outside with our children and most of all have pride in myself and what I have done. Note to me think of all of these things as things that can happen to me, that  with the support I have I can make this happen but mostly by pushing through the pain it is going happen and how much of a high I am going to have in that moment.

Week 1 Day 1

On November the 3rd 2012 I finally voiced to my husband David that I would like to give running a shot. I have watched him and his love of running grow over the past year and a half, and many times thought that it would be a great thing for us to  do together, but I never thought that it was something that I could do. I had so many reasons within myself as to why I could not run with him, I weighed to much, I would slow him down, I could not do it alone, I would try it once and then quit so why bother trying, but that night saying it out loud and really wanting to try it was the most eye opening moment I  can remember. David's face lit up, he seemed so surprised and pleased like it was something he has secretly wanted to happen. I told him that I really needed him to be alright with helping me every step of the way, David happily said that he would be there for me every step  of the way, he would find the right method of starting for me and come along with me and support me and we would start on his birthday the following Saturday. Saturday the 10th of November.

The next day I wondered so many times "why did you open your mouth you can not do this". David did not say a word about our talk until I mentioned it a little later and the week, to which he said "oh I forgot you said that". I still wonder if he really did forget. I spent the whole week building myself up to fail, once Saturday morning came I stalled for at least an hour, where as David was up and in his running gear within minutes. He did not pressure me or push me, he just waited for me to change and get ready to go, honestly the best thing he could of done.

So off we went, David with the app for From the Couch to 5K on his phone ready to start. We had to walk for 5 minutes before we started to run, I was even out of breath during the walk. Then the time came and we were doing my type of running, David supporting me the whole way, telling me how great I was doing and how proud he was of me. We completed all the cycles which were run for 60 seconds walk for 90 seconds over a period of 20 minutes, thankfully as we were running/trotting David was giving me a count down of how long was left, 30 second, 20 seconds, 10 seconds, 5 seconds. That made it so much easier for me, well as easy as it can get why my lungs are screaming at me, my heart is pounding more than I remember it ever doing but me wanting to honestly achieve the goal that the app has set for me. David even gave me the  option to opt out and stop if I wanted to, but I keep going because to be honest I was loving of the praise that David was showering on me.

Once we were done it was another 5 minute walk as part of the cool down that is part of the program, David was walking a few paces ahead of me when all of the emotions of what I had just done with the support and help of my husband hit and I  started to cry, but it was tears of joy and maybe disbelief in myself. I do not think anyone could of ever told how amazing doing that first run would make me feel, it was and still is so overwhelming, it is a high that no drug could ever give you. Having David turn to me and smile like he did at the moment has no words, and then standing crying with joy in his arms has no words that can describe it. Even now writing this down I am once again in tears of happiness, which trust me makes it tough to type.

We came home and David asked it it would be alright for him to share this event on Facebook, which at first I was apprehensive about, but I did agree. I have pasted his posting  below and just looked at it again and wow 17 likes.

Just got the best birthday present from my wife, Bren, as she and I completed day1 of week 1 of the couch to 5k program, very proud of her for doing this.

I found myself talking with David about how great I felt and and living on a cloud for 2 full days, do not get me wrong I hurt a lot, but it is so worth it for the feelings I have about myself and the fact that I really feel that this is something that has changed not only my life but my marriage.

Day two is today and yes I am scared about not being able to get it done, but this is something that I need to do for myself. I need to do it for that high once I am done and for the tears of joy that I am sure will come over the next 24 hours.

I found myself day dreaming and also voicing my new wish list of dreams, to complete a 5K with my husband and to have our children there at the end, to be able to run with our children and David and actually enjoy it, to be able to join David in his love of running.